when kbox meant only the two of us.
when study dates only involved the two of us.
when lunches only involved the two of us.
when shopping only involved the two of us.
when going out only involved the two of us.
when being retarded was the thing that only both of us did together.
when the only person that i talked to into the deep night was only you, and vice versa.
when all this changed.

you can't ask for anything more.
its not me, its not you.
its us.
say goodbye.
because things will never be the same again.

i didn't know i had hurt you, so much.
i, was almost obsessed with new people, new friends, new class.
it seemed to me that you were too.
i got used to the fact that you talk to people through fb walls.
and i thought that you didnt need to talk to me through fb, because we talk enough.
but we don't even talk nowadays.
true, i go over to wisdom now, i barely see you anymore.
i only see you, almost only on wednesdays?
and you're always, always so busy.
scmun, rmun, rjc's current affairs stuff, cheer, council, and i dont know? what else.
and yet, you still do well in your studies.
i would be lying if i said that im not jealous.
yes, i am.
i truly am, i get pissed, when you get depressed over your english grades, depressed, when its still an A1.
i dont know what to feel, what to say, what to do.
i'm failing, and you got an A1 even though it's a low A1, way below your usual grade for english.
perhaps, because its your best subject.
but, i dont even have a best subject.
i, practically suck at everything that i do.
i dont know what to even say to you now.
you do know that all my friends dislike you... right?
its like i have to make a choice between my friends.
you, or ziting and sonia?
i just want a friend, a friend that i can cling on to in school, a friend that will always be there for me, a friend that i can talk to no matter when, a friend that i won't end up bitching about.
you used to be that friend.
we used to have so much fun, together.
but now, i dont understand your fandom, i dont understand the way you work anymore.
i know that i changed, alot, i changed so much, from someone that didnt bother to study, from someone that didnt use to care to someone that studies so much, to someone that actually bothers about what people think of me now.
i'm sorry.
i'm sorry, we drifted apart.
i'm sorry, i didnt realise that you were sad too sooner.
i'm sorry, i thought that i was the only one in pain.
i'm sorry, but i really dont know what to do anymore.
do you actually know how friendless i feel.
do you seriously think that im close to ziting?
do you seriously think that i like being daoed all the time.
i dont want to be with people like that.
i have to choose the correct words before actually saying it.
thinking before i say.
i never used to do that, and i dont have to do that when im with you.
i still love you:)

you were right, we didnt go 'bam' and we're not friends anymore.

but

i was right too, we drifted apart, no longer close, its impossible to go back to the past.

i don't know what i should do anymore.
it's obviously not working.
i still feel weird around you.
i still hate to be around you because i dont know how to be myself.
i hate how you're always with her, but it's not your fault you find me uninteresting.
i hate how, im always like that.

i feel so ridiculously stupid, for actually reading your blog for so fucking long.
i cant believe i read it for so long.
i feel like laughing at myself.

IT HURTS.
DAMN YOU. DAMN YOU. FUCK.
IT FUCKING HURTS.
WHY, WHY DOES IT HURT.
WHY THE FUCK DO I FEEL LIKE CRYING.
DAMNIT.
I DON'T LIKE HOW YOU SMS HER.
I DONT LIKE HOW YOU'RE SO CLOSE TO HER.
I DONT LIKE EVERYTHING.
BUT I WAS THE ONE THAT STOPPED SMSING YOU FIRST.
BUT, I WAS THE ONE THAT WANTED TO STOP THIS.
FUCK THIS.
but it hurts.
it really does.
i don't want to cry.
but the tears.
are falling.
it hurts.

Why do i feel like crying.
No more tears i said, but the fact that you didn't even tag me in the note, pains me.
I don't know why, i said that i've given up.
Have i not?
Perhaps, but it really, pains me.
I want this no more.

Sometimes i wonder why do i even bother.
No more.
Even the tinest bit of hope i had, faded away.
I deserve it.

If you happen to stumble upon this blog; good for you.
No one should though, secrets.
/winks.



Trini's
"It's only impossible because you don't know that it's possible."

June 2010

July 2010

August 2010

layout: Hearts; Bleach
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